Praise the Lord for Vision!

Dear Comrades,

I am marvelling at how quickly God can turn things miraculously around! Brace yourselves--that's my opening line for a LONG and RAMBLING testimony about the last three days! You may have already read DJ's report, or maybe you were there, or caught a few crumbs somehow, but here's the whole loaf of how God met me during the Feast.

You've probably gathered from my blog that I've been pretty discouraged recently. Hm, it feels strange mentioning it because it was almost another lifetime ago. But I was, somewhere back there. Whatever you detected from my blog, however, was only the tip of the iceberg. Uncertainty, closed doors, lack of light--I felt profoundly frustrated and consequently was dealing with a lot of discouragement and spiritual negativity. It was almost entirely internal, but present nonetheless. Even my Bible reading was infected with a sort of skepticism which I really hated but didn't know how to overcome it. That was the whole issue--how to become UNdiscouraged? I didn't want it...most certainly wasn't wallowing in it, but couldn't just pull up the ole bootstraps and make everything better. Pep talks and support from friends and family were nice, but couldn't effect a change in my heart. As I said, my Bible reading wasn't helping much. What I needed was the Holy Spirit to do a miracle...

...AND BOY DID HE EVER!!!

During the evening meetings at the Feast last week, I gleaned some good insights, but I was still too discouraged and dead tired from more overtime at the bank to receive the makeover I needed. And so I was during the Sabbath meeting, too. Feeling low, tired, voice hurting which kept me from singing enthusiastically, listening and agreeing on the surface but not breaking through. Plodding, at best.

Then Claire gave a tearful and inspired testimony about her difficulties and oppression of the last several months, and how she was so sick of it that it drew her ever closer to Jesus. She stressed the words from #212, Earth's Sabbath, where it proclaims, "As the sun at noonday shineth, So the Son of God shall rise; From His wings He spreadeth healing, Vision for the failing eyes." That was what I needed to hear! Someone who for months had felt much the same way as I did, but was reaching out and taking hold of the vision for her failing eyes, and RECEIVING IT! My entire heart and soul perked up at the Holy Spirit's call and responded with a hearty "YES!" What I had been seeking unconsciously was VISION for my failing eyes! And now I wanted it, oh so badly!

The very next thing, the song Jerusalem the Golden was called for, and in that glorious, mountaintop song, my vision of the goal, the joy, the future, and my Jesus, was restored. Had we sung it before Claire's testimony, I would have struggled through it with little inspiration, but as the Holy Spirit worked it out, the stage was set to have the DESIRE for vision fulfilled by the VISION within a few minutes. And as I sang, the knots of discouragement, the rut, the bind I was in, the wall between me and faith--all dissipated like mist and were replaced with encouragement, joy...vision. The last verse especially brought tears to my eyes, and in those words I felt as if the negativity in my spirit broke.

"To Thee be praise forever, Thou glorious King of kings!
Thy wondrous love and favor Each ransomed spirit sings:
There God, our King and Portion, In fullness of His grace,
Shall we behold forever, And worship face to face."

Now THAT, my friends, is Vision!

I left the meeting renewed, reborn, rejuvenated, and lots of other "re-" words I won't conjure up. My circumstances hadn't changed at all, but the Holy Spirit had performed the miracle I needed and suddenly all those things that had dragged me down were no longer able to. Praise the Lord, it was wonderful!

But that was only the beginning!

In the Saturday morning meeting, I was able to worship God in His House without the former spiritual negativity, and the difference was remarkable. There was reality and no wall. I testified to the amazing power of God when given the chance, and that felt refreshing, too, just to stand up and talk about what God had done the night before. In all of this I believe God was preparing me for the spontaneous prayer meeting that Andrea pulled together Saturday night at her house for people in their 20's. I can't imagine how I would have responded then without this prior breaking-up of fallow ground in my heart.

In the informal meeting, the Holy Spirit was at work once more. Many of us poured out our hearts or shared insights or told where we were spiritually in our current situations and how we were seeking to further vision and faith in our lives. Common themes included making Jesus everything, and holding every other part of our lives as nothing compared to Him, and wanting to LIVE our faith out in college and the workplace, and being willing to adapt the vision from our Bible School days to the situations in which God puts us, and wanting to take up as a generation the torch of the Kingship of Jesus and carry it forward, and...oh, people, there was so much more! I can't possibly report on this meeting with effectiveness. It lasted two hours, and didn't feel in the least bit long or boring. It was simply anointed. And heart-binding. And it drew us FORWARD and closer to the heart of God. We pledged ourselves afresh to seeking Christ and Him only.

I was thinking that it felt a lot like the old Bible School days, when we were all together daily, united in vision and youthful enthusiasm, praying and believing and following God together. But then I realized that it was far, far better than Bible School, because now we are adults in diverse walks of life, and we've been out in the world and battered around and discouraged, and we've been through unimaginable grief and suffering, but we STILL want to go on and follow Jesus with everything that is in us! If anything, we want it more than we did back then when our dreams of life were still untainted. Now we have matured just a little bit, but nothing has diminished that desire to follow, follow, FOLLOW Jesus! We still share vision to extend the Kingship of Christ and remove the covering and bring His love wherever we go. Our lengthy time of sharing was followed by heartfelt prayer from all thirteen of us, and Andrea fetched a couple of men in spiritual authority to pray for us and seal the deal at the end.

Then we ate food and talked some more. :-) Several people indulged in bowls of store-brand Lucky Charms. Just the thing at 11:30pm.

For those of you who weren't there but would have been had you known about it or were closer to Fairwood, fear not. We included you in our prayers! I trust the same Spirit will be visited on you, and you will be encouraged and strengthened and renewed in your vision for exalting Jesus wherever you are. You're not alone. We're a fighting unit all in it together.

I could almost stop there. Those were the EVENTS that happened in the last three days. But the Holy Spirit has been teaching me so much in my heart in between all these activities, I must mention some about them. It's like a reawakening of spiritual sensitivity...kind of like a deluge all of a sudden. The Holy Spirit has been opening my eyes to things I need to embrace as part of making Jesus my All. Today at work I didn't listen to the radio or music or anything because I was THINKING all day. It was wonderful! Here are a few thoughts and insights I'll pass on.

A couple of weeks ago, Uncle Dave wrote me an e-mail in response to a blog post telling me I needed to repeat this little phrase over and over again to myself, "I am not what I do. I am who I am." It really helped to put my situation in perspective, and I brought it to mind at work a few times after that. But I don't think it was the time for that to work its way in and make a lasting difference. He also said, "You can be content doing anything as long as you know who you are [a child of God] and where your destiny lies [the Throne]." Something Melissa said in her testimony on Saturday really struck me and added a new dimension. She said God is stripping away everything that would keep our love for Him only on the surface, and thus making it deeper. Then, Saturday night, Andrea talked about how she wanted Jesus to be the only thing that mattered in her life.

All of these things in tandem made me realize that I have a prime opportunity where I am in my life right now to make Christ my all. Why? Because I have nothing else!!! No school, no career, no family (i.e., wife and kids), no plans, no responsibilities, little money. What DO I have? I have Jesus. And that's enough. I can love Him more without splitting my energies in a bazillion directions. It's GOOD that I don't have anything to fill my life with, because if I did, if I were in school as I have been for three years, then my love and trust for God would stay static on the same level as Melissa implied. But by pulling away these exterior things that I hide behind, He challenges me to go deeper in both love and trust. Now I don't have a crutch or security blanket, and my only option is to immerse myself in Jesus. I must follow Him closely, even when I have no idea where that will lead.

I also realized that I have been focused for a long time on glorifying God with the things I do, when maybe He just wants me to learn to glorify Him with who I am. I tend to be one of those Martha people who get busy with many things, earnestly wanting God to use them for His glory. That's all well and good, but not the whole picture. Now that I'm forging into the unknown where it's anyone's guess what will come next, I can't use tasks like school to prop up my life. Instead, maybe He wants me to glorify Him with WHO I AM by being His friend, His follower, His lover in my inmost soul, and not worrying so much about doing. "One thing is needful...", remember? As someone said in our meeting, sometimes breathing is all we can do, and it's all we need to do, because even that has power.

And I ramble ever onward...

Saturday night I got inspired again about being faithful in prayer for the evangelization of the world. This is an area that usually produces an inadequacy complex in me, however, because I tend to think that to be a successful prayer warrior I have to dedicate lots of time and lots of fervency and have a prayer list to rival Uncle Frank's. Otherwise, I'm really not much good, and should slink around in shame if I'm not constantly thinking prayerful thoughts and dropping to my knees every moment and completing my prayer list every day. The thing is, there are people who do all of those things easily. But even if that is a desirable goal for the Holy Spirit to work into me, it was real to me Saturday night that I don't have to be a "Prayer Warrior" to be a prayer warrior. Just do it, just do something, and don't let discouragement that I'm not "doing enough" deter me from doing anything. Get in the battle consistently, even if it's just a small daily prayer for the covering to be removed so lost souls can see Jesus...or honoring the blood for your school or workplace. If you're BELIEVING God, even for just that one minute, that's ENOUGH! Starting there, God can expand! And it doesn't have to be long and grand. I prayed pretty regularly while in school for Israel and the ten tribes (and many of you)...it didn't seem like much, but looking back, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT! I want to be doing that: enough slacking off already! Nothing amazing is required to be a pray-er. Just do it. It was neat how prayer came to mind more than once today AT WORK, and I confess it seldom does. I'm usually too consumed with monotony. Again, the Holy Spirit is on the move.

My third year of Bible School, the overwhelming lesson God had for me was Trust. I really connected with it, too. He worked it into me again and again, and that carried me for a long time. But I think God saw I needed to relearn that lesson, so here I am again without a clue as to the future. I am forced to trust. But now that I've had my vision refreshed, I'm kind of happy and excited to be in this position. It becomes an adventure trusting God instead of misery. And because of the transformation I'm now willing to trust, instead of grasping wildly at straws to make something happen or sitting dead in the water because nothing does.

And with that I will quell the bubbling over. It's late!

The emotionalism is already starting to wear off, but this weekend was not about emotions. It was about God's Spirit, and the Truth. Neither of those will be different tomorrow or the next day.

In Christ,
a follower, a truster, a prayer warrior, a visionary--
Craig